A Collection of Terrible Ads
One of the most confusing things about this section of Craigslist is how blatantly false it all is. You might see an ad saying "looking for a movie buddy" but then tacked on the end is "m4w" which in Craigslist speak means "man seeking woman." The section of the website is called "strictly platonic" which is the Craigslist equivalent of that guy who says he just wants to get to know you but then pours drinks down your throat until your friends have to carry you home as he nips after like a Yorkie. ANYWAY, here is a collection of ads that are clearly not "Strictly Platonic"
The Blatant Disregard for Strictly Platonic
Looking for a female SEXTING partner. that is all. Im attractive so you should be to..or have some ASSets that are. Thank you :)
Whoa. What the fuck? Why did he need to All Caps "Sexting?" did he think somebody would misread it as "Texting?" Its pretty clearly not, and speaking of all caps lets address the grammatical disaster that is the next sentence. "Im attractive and you should be to..." That clause is confusing. Isn't the whole point of sexting that you don't have to be attractive? Like you just have to be good with your abbrevs and your emoticons. A well placed winky face can turn any text into a sext. "or have some ASSets that are." Alright King Pun. We get it. He probably thought that was really clever. But in reality its not. Aren't we all attractive BECAUSE of our assets? If somebody has attractive assets, they are in fact attractive. And then he ends it with a thank you and a smile just like an Applebee's waiter.
The Confusing
I'm a 41 year old single guy looking to see if I emailed you my pic would yall give me a good rating on my looks.....I been having dating trouble over the last few years and want to see if my looks are a problem...Put "AMERICA" in your reply to avoid spam
What? I don't even understand this one. He's looking for people to tell him he's attractive. As if he will then prove some larger point to the world. Like if a girl turns him down he would show him a collection of emails from random people on the internet, therefore convincing him that she shouldn't turn him down because of his looks and should turn him down because of his weird need for validation.
The Full On Creepy
I NEED YOUR HELP!
And maybe you need mine? I'm a guy with a very high sex drive and I'm not meeting my needs right now so I'd like to find someone to help me out with that. Do you get where this is going?
You help me I help you. Pain an simple.
I'm real and CL it's full of spammers so to avoid them put your favorite movie on the subject line.
This is the completely opposite of strictly platonic. This is strictly sexual. What the hell is this guy even thinking? I feel like he wrote this while masturbating. He's not meeting his needs??? "You help me I help you." I don't think he wants to help anybody. Also was "Pain and simple" an intentional typo? Or is it creepy code. I don't know.
I'd love to hear from you if you are asian, hispanic or white. Though I do love all ladies.
I'M GLAD YOU DON'T DISCRIMINATE ASSHOLE
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Hurdles
This is difficult. On Saturday I had two experiences that quite honestly are not in the spirit of this blog. I had two opportunities to hang out with people through craigslist and I acted upon neither of them. The first was merely because it was an activity I didn't want to do and the second was because I wanted to hang out with my friends instead. I want this idea to work, really, and now I'm realizing that its going to be a lot more difficult than I thought. But that, I suppose, is the point.
This is difficult. On Saturday I had two experiences that quite honestly are not in the spirit of this blog. I had two opportunities to hang out with people through craigslist and I acted upon neither of them. The first was merely because it was an activity I didn't want to do and the second was because I wanted to hang out with my friends instead. I want this idea to work, really, and now I'm realizing that its going to be a lot more difficult than I thought. But that, I suppose, is the point.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
DAY 1: Naked Cleaners and Unforeseen Consequences
This is gonna be a lot harder than I thought. So far I've emailed 6 different ads and none of them have replied. Today, one ad caught my eye.
"Hey Guys,
Would you like a naked little man helping with those household chores? Contact me for all the details.
Woof!"
Does anybody answer a resounding "YES" to that question? "Of COURSE I'd like a little naked man helping with my household chores!" Does the guy just like to do chores naked? I tend to avoid doing things naked. Mostly cause I have a weird belly button.
The other confusing thing is the "Woof!" at the end of the post. As far as I know, "woof" is not a commonly accepted salutation to any sort of letter.
Unforeseen Consequences
The funny thing about all these ads, is that very few of them are seeking men. There are a lot of , men seeking women, women seeking women, but not many seeking men. Interesting. So I obviously have to reach out to people who may not be looking for me. Anyways, I saw this ad that was Woman seeking Woman:
"Hi Ladies
It is a nice day outside... very excited summer is pretty much here but I find myself indoors watch reruns of Weeds on Netflix.Are you bored too?"
I replied anyways with what I thought was a perfectly acceptable email.
"Hey, I saw your ad and I just wanted to know that I'm hosting a pool party today if you'd like to join. It's a rooftop pool in an apartment building on Foggy Bottom. It starts around five, let me know if you want in!"
That's a totally normal email, right? Her response was this:
"Thanks Zach but no that sounds a bit scary..."
What the fuck? I'm not supposed to be the creepy one in these exchanges! I'm supposed to be submitting myself to creepy situations not the other way around! Oh well, we'll see how this all plays out.
This is gonna be a lot harder than I thought. So far I've emailed 6 different ads and none of them have replied. Today, one ad caught my eye.
"Hey Guys,
Would you like a naked little man helping with those household chores? Contact me for all the details.
Woof!"
Does anybody answer a resounding "YES" to that question? "Of COURSE I'd like a little naked man helping with my household chores!" Does the guy just like to do chores naked? I tend to avoid doing things naked. Mostly cause I have a weird belly button.
The other confusing thing is the "Woof!" at the end of the post. As far as I know, "woof" is not a commonly accepted salutation to any sort of letter.
Unforeseen Consequences
The funny thing about all these ads, is that very few of them are seeking men. There are a lot of , men seeking women, women seeking women, but not many seeking men. Interesting. So I obviously have to reach out to people who may not be looking for me. Anyways, I saw this ad that was Woman seeking Woman:
"Hi Ladies
It is a nice day outside... very excited summer is pretty much here but I find myself indoors watch reruns of Weeds on Netflix.Are you bored too?"
I replied anyways with what I thought was a perfectly acceptable email.
"Hey, I saw your ad and I just wanted to know that I'm hosting a pool party today if you'd like to join. It's a rooftop pool in an apartment building on Foggy Bottom. It starts around five, let me know if you want in!"
That's a totally normal email, right? Her response was this:
"Thanks Zach but no that sounds a bit scary..."
What the fuck? I'm not supposed to be the creepy one in these exchanges! I'm supposed to be submitting myself to creepy situations not the other way around! Oh well, we'll see how this all plays out.
Friday, June 1, 2012
The Beginning
An Intro
Hello everybody, my name is Zach and I'm 22 years old. I don't go on craigslist often, but from what I've heard it is a land of false hopes and a den of creepy dwellers. However, I was recently browsing the page and I noticed the category "Strictly Platonic." This fascinated me. In a place populated by scams and sexual deviancy there is a page dedicated to just making friends. A place where people go just to look for a movie buddy. A place where you can find somebody to work out with. A place to find somebody to try nudism with. Wait what?
The ads featured on this page run the gambit from creepy to lonely to casual. I want in. On all of it.
Mission Statement
I will try to fulfill one Strictly Platonic ad a week. My goal in doing this is many-a-fold. I want to make somebody I don't know happy. I want to give somebody friendship. But I also hope that this will help me grow. Maybe I would never try nudism, but what a great experience that would be. Maybe I could get to know a type of person I would never meet normally. I could discover new interests, hobbies, and most of all friends.
The Blog
This is a blog dedicated to writing about this experience. There will be posts like "Weekly Creepy Ad Round Up" and "Unsettling Email Exchange" but most importantly, I will write about the people I meet and the experiences I have. Though my tone might be comic, I am trying to stay optimistic about this. I'm hoping that I really will get to meet new, interesting people. Basically, why not take this opportunity to have interesting experiences. So, let my adventures in Strictly Platonic begin.
Edit: FYI, I will be keeping all of the people I meet anonymous.
Hello everybody, my name is Zach and I'm 22 years old. I don't go on craigslist often, but from what I've heard it is a land of false hopes and a den of creepy dwellers. However, I was recently browsing the page and I noticed the category "Strictly Platonic." This fascinated me. In a place populated by scams and sexual deviancy there is a page dedicated to just making friends. A place where people go just to look for a movie buddy. A place where you can find somebody to work out with. A place to find somebody to try nudism with. Wait what?
The ads featured on this page run the gambit from creepy to lonely to casual. I want in. On all of it.
Mission Statement
I will try to fulfill one Strictly Platonic ad a week. My goal in doing this is many-a-fold. I want to make somebody I don't know happy. I want to give somebody friendship. But I also hope that this will help me grow. Maybe I would never try nudism, but what a great experience that would be. Maybe I could get to know a type of person I would never meet normally. I could discover new interests, hobbies, and most of all friends.
The Blog
This is a blog dedicated to writing about this experience. There will be posts like "Weekly Creepy Ad Round Up" and "Unsettling Email Exchange" but most importantly, I will write about the people I meet and the experiences I have. Though my tone might be comic, I am trying to stay optimistic about this. I'm hoping that I really will get to meet new, interesting people. Basically, why not take this opportunity to have interesting experiences. So, let my adventures in Strictly Platonic begin.
Edit: FYI, I will be keeping all of the people I meet anonymous.
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